Hi, haven't been blogging for awhile, at least not properly. So many assignments due, so little time. 
Been studying, YES, studying. I never really liked studying but i guess i don't have a choice. Signed an agreement with the school stating that if i fail any tests, quizzes or anything in school, i'm out. 
But i guess scoring is a good thing. :) Been scoring well for Computer Programming, coping well with Autocad although i did have problems in the beginning but i managed to learn it myself. Been passing any pop quiz for my retaken modules, yahoo! It really feels good to do well and feel like you can achieve a lot of things.
These few weeks i've been also busy with @s_bbc, planning for projects before i present it to the rest, dealing with emails and enquiry, helping out with the meet-ups for collection of stuff and dealing with problems. i don't hate doing things like these but i hate having too many things in my mind and forgetting something important..
One more month or less to BKK with sherlene, huiching, weijie, mom and her best friend, can't wait! Mom reminded me about the trip yesterday and we were discussing about it and then.. she mentioned about bisma when mahathir called up to see if i was still in town so i could meet him.. yes, i miss bisma, i can't lie and say i didn't love him. i forced myself to break up with him, to make him hate me, to look like i'm not the one for him. Mom and i had a mature talk about us and we both figured it was best to make him leave me, or.. force myself to leave him before we both get too serious together and then realise that we can't be together at all.. Coming from a traditional chinese family, mom knew my entire family including my uncles/aunts/grandparents wouldn't approve. It was something that i had to do, no matter how fucked up i come off to him. Guess it worked, somehow. It still hurts like a deep fresh cut that you put salt into. He moved on, he hates me. Yes, i do think about him now and then, feeling like shit when i get reminded he's not by my side. It hurts. I cry. Guess i'm still not as strong as people think i am, huh? These days i keep thinking, what if i like someone now? Would people judge me as a player? Look, i'm trying to move on.. But my heart became a heart of stone. I don't fucking feel it anymore. It's gone. I hate relationships, no matter how sweet it may seem. Now, i'm even afraid of admitting my feelings. Yeah, i became a pussy. A scaredy cat. A wimp. Guess i'm gonna hide back into my turtle shell again.
I don't even know why i'm starting to change. I'm starting to scold less, (still hitting people but not that much anymore), fuck, i'm even considering growing back my long hair?! Wtf? Now i'm even afraid of looking too "boyish". Wtf is wrong with me? I never used to care about how people thought about me. I'm me and people should accept me for who i am and not try to change me. But look? Their opinions are changing me now. Is this me being weak? Living up to their expectations? 

Adrienne, 19.
Student
Admin @ s_bbc on twitter
Block b, infinite, bigstar, a-jax, led apple, chaos, twi-light, WE & bigbang.
Music is my passion and soul
More about me over here.

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